Why am I Killing Myself?

It is never just about food. Let me back up. I cannot lose weight. It’s not that I don’t want to but I am unable to. I feel like I am holding onto it as a safety net. Eating seems completely meaningless yet meaningful at the same time. I am slowly killing myself. Why? Is it because my husband cheated on me for years (emotionally, physically, and financially)? Is it because I cannot go of all the emotional baggage? What is it?