A moment of truth

I had a birthday last week. 36. I feel old. I know it’s just a number and 36 is young but I feel old. The last two years have taken a lot out of me (emotionally) and I have added some serious poundage (physically). 6 months ago I found out that the last 11 years of my life have been a lie. I don’t even know how to process a statement like that. So I closed in and shut everything and everyone out. Hence the weight gain.

I sometimes feel like the world is an ocean and I am slowly sinking to the bottom. There are moments when I am not even trying to stay afloat. Do I want to sink to the bottom? No. Absolutely not. That is not the solution. I am doing the bare minimum to survive and that is not how life should be lived. I am trying to swim to the surface and get that euphoric feeling of fresh air in my lungs. It’s hard getting there. It is super hard staying there.

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